In lieu of doing a more detailed overview of the year, I decided to take a cue from the lovely Laura and post the first sentence of the first blog entry for each month of 2009. So here goes!

January: I thought I’d kick off 2009 on a positive note with a few small things that brought me peace this week! 2008 ended on a sad note with the second of two miscarriages, but I was trying really hard not to lose hope.

February: Some of you already know this from Twitter, but the results from my thrombophilia panel (the blood tests which my doctor recommended after having two miscarriages in a row last year) are in: I’m normal! This was such good news. After ruling out a blood clotting disorder, my doctor attributed my miscarriages to random bad luck and said it was unlikely to happen again.

March: Huh. So apparently this situation is still, sort of, you know… REAL. I was still completely shocked that I was pregnant again, without even trying—but happy, of course!

April: My OB’s office had to reschedule my April 6 appointment, so I got in today instead. I was about 9 weeks pregnant, and we had seen the baby’s heartbeat on ultrasound two weeks earlier. I was still worried, but hopeful we’d finally make it through the first trimester.

May: What a weekend!! Jen and I drove to Washington, DC, to visit our other bloggie friend, Janet. So much fun!

June: Some of you may have read my Tweet last week about big wet spots that appeared on our kitchen ceiling after a strong thunderstorm/downpour. GRR. We ended up getting a new roof.

July: I’ve been tagged by the ever-awesome Jen for “Honest Scrap.” Ten random things about yours truly.

August: I’ve been reading a lot of labor-related blog posts recently (such as Dooce, Sundry, A Little Pregnant) and it got me thinking about my first labor experience and what I hope will be the same or different about my second. As it turned out, I was INCREDIBLY LUCKY to get EVERYTHING on my list: a healthy baby, same doctor, same hospital, easy postpartum, going into labor two days before my EDD, no pain, no Pitocin, and no stress on the baby! Woo!!!

September: A year ago Wednesday was the most devastating day of my life: September 9, 2008. I still vividly remember every detail of the ultrasound at which I was told my baby had no heartbeat.

October: As of Thursday, I will be 37 weeks. FULL TERM. Those were magic words! I was so grateful to make it smoothly through my pregnancy and couldn’t wait to meet my baby boy!

November: Hope you all had a fun Halloween weekend! Thankfully, Andrew waited a couple more days so I was able to be with Oliver for Trick or Treating.

December: I felt this way with my first little guy, but it’s the same with the second: Was there really a time I didn’t know this face?

I love him so much! And I thank God every day for both of my beautiful, healthy boys.

2009 certainly kicked 2008′s butt in every way possible. It was definitely the best year of my life so far and I have so much to be grateful for. Looking ahead, 2010 promises to be an exciting year as well: a new job for me (I need to start looking in a couple weeks), a new career opportunity for George (finally!), a family road trip to Boston (May), visits with family and friends, selling our house this summer in order to save money for a year before moving to Boston (!!!), Oliver will start preschool in the fall (*cry*), Andrew will start walking and talking by this time next year, and after losing the remainder of this post-baby weight (25 lb to go, ugh), I plan to reward myself with a small tattoo (probably on the back of one shoulder)! Lots to look forward to—and I’m so blessed to have George, Oliver, and Andrew to share it with.

I wish all of you and your families a healthy, happy New Year! Cheers!

This Christmas was so very, very different from last year. A thousand times happier. And I owe a great part of this to a very special boy. Merry First Christmas, my darling Andrew.

Oh little angel, shining light
You’ve set my soul to dreaming
You’ve given back my joy in life
You’ve filled me with new meaning

(excerpt of lyrics from ”A Baby Just Like You,” written by John Denver — as seen on Laura’s Christmas post, as inspired by HER little Andrew )

This is our last Christmas in our house.

We’ve stretched out our stay here a year or two more than we originally intended, mainly because the exact time we wanted to move was the exact time the housing market (especially here in Ohio) went PPBBLLTTT. I talked about our struggles back in 2008: “We can afford the mortgage and the cost of living, but we CANNOT afford thousands more dollars each year in [house] repairs. That’s what is killing us. And honestly, we’re tired of not being able to do anything ELSE but repairs. We just can’t get ahead.”

That was before the additional expenses incurred for two miscarriages, one requiring a d&c for which we are still making monthly payments a year later, a new roof this summer, and now, a new baby.

And that is all ON TOP OF George’s tens of thousands of dollars in law school loans and the additional chunk of credit card debt we amassed because of all the OTHER stuff we had to pay for that I mentioned above.

We’ve made as many sacrifices as we can, but it’s just not enough (at least not while I can only work part time). We’re getting by, but it’s not getting better.

We want to move out of Ohio (probably to Boston). We want to put more money away for our kids and our retirement. We want to travel. So we need to start by getting back on our feet, and the only way to do that is to sell this house, rent a smaller place, and throw all the extra money at our debt.

Ideally, we’d love to just make one big move, but Big City housing is a weeee bit more expensive than here in Small Town Ohio! heh. Even now we may only break even when we sell our house because property values have dropped so much since we bought it in 2003. So our plan is to sell our house next summer, rent a townhouse/large apartment for a year, pay off as much debt as we can (obviously the law school loans will take longer), and THEN make the big out-of-state move.

In some ways it’s very exciting. Moving has been a dream of ours for—well, basically since we graduated college. There are much better opportunities outside Ohio. But I’m glad both of our children were born here, near where I grew up, and I’m glad both of them celebrated their first Christmases here in this house. We’ll be leaving behind many happy memories; we’ll be making many new ones wherever we go.

For one more Christmas, though, we are still here. It is blessing enough that there are four of us this year. We may have a hand-me-down tree with mismatched light strings and very few gifts underneath, but on Christmas Eve we’ll sing Silent Night and our tree will be beautiful because of who is standing together around it.

From our family to yours, we wish you happy holidays.

A year ago tomorrow, I called my doctor to report what turned out to be the first sign of a second miscarriage.

Today, I brought Andrew to my 6-week postpartum checkup. It was bittersweet, but wonderful.

We were all full of smiles. The nurses and doctor know my history; they greet me by name, and today they greeted my son by name as well, remembering without needing to consult my chart. I owe much of my sanity to these ladies for being so caring and for keeping me positive. I needed them to meet the child whose heartbeat we all cheered for so many months ago.

So here we are, and my sweet little Andrew is six weeks old already. He is growing and changing and endearing himself to us more every day. His eyes are starting to turn brown now. He has been smiling for over a week and it’s an easy, charm-your-pants-off kind of grin. Sometimes I’ll catch him watching me, waiting with a twinkle in his eye, and as soon as I smile he bursts into a big grin.

We’ve been bombarded with cards and phone calls and visitors and gifts from day one. I’m keeping all the cards and making notes of visitors and gifts in Andrew’s baby book. I was afraid a second child—especially a second boy—might be overlooked. But everyone has been so incredibly thoughtful, both those who know our ordeals of last year and those who don’t. From family and friends to neighbors and coworkers, Andrew has been welcomed like royalty. And it’s not about the gifts: it’s about the heart-felt congratulations and excitement and joy that everyone has expressed for us. It makes us happy to know that others think he’s as special as we do.

Speaking of which… I’ve had the photos below for a month now and am just now getting around to posting them, but I hope Jen will forgive me! She surprised us with some gifts after Andrew’s arrival, including a Kohls gift card for the Mama. SO generous. Needless to say, we were really grateful. She’s awesome. I even would wear a Steelers jersey if the girl asked me to.

surprise!

“Memory” game for big brother Oliver

“daddy’s biggest fan” outfit for Andrew

I’m just getting around to things like this, things I meant to do a month ago, because time is flying twice as fast as before! But other than the stretch marks and the extra weight and of course the baby, I honestly don’t feel like I gave birth 6 weeks ago. As I mentioned before, I only stayed at the hospital for 24 hours after Andrew’s birth because I felt great—no pain on my part, and no complications for either of us. I had a 2nd-degree tear during delivery again, which was afterward sutured, but my doctor confirmed today that everything was healed. I’m really lucky that I had two super-easy postpartum experiences. My body may suck at the pregnancy thing, but it certainly rocks the postpartum.

Now here is where I ask for some advice. My doctor gave me and George the “green light” today, and with our record of getting pregnant ridiculously easily (three times on the first try, once on the second try), I am nervous. I don’t want to get pregnant again (we’re done having kids, plus I’m terrified of having another miscarriage) so I’m considering my birth control options. I’ve never been on any form of the Pill so I wonder what experiences others have had with different types. What did you like or dislike about what you used? What were the side effects? I’ve done a lot of research but I’d be grateful for any insights from people I know!

I felt this way with my first little guy, but it’s the same with the second: Was there really a time I didn’t know this face?

I can’t believe Andrew is already one month old! He is growing like a weed: in the past 2 weeks, he gained 2 lb (now just one ounce shy of 10 lb), and grew one inch (now 21 inches). He is much more alert these days, and he even started rolling from tummy to back this week. His face is losing that newborn look and becoming his own. It’s still amazing to me that every little part of him is so perfect and so beautiful. He also has the sweetest way of clutching my hand with both of his hands and holding it to his chest and his face; it calms him. I love him more than I can say.

Oliver still did not want anything to do with Andrew. Not. One. Bit. Until today, when Andrew was crying, and Oliver came over to us. “Can I help fix Andrew?” he asked. He gently touched Andrew’s hair, as he’d seen me do, and said, “It’s okay, Andrew.” And finally, for the first time, he leaned over and kissed Andrew’s head. I’d imagined this moment a million times in the months past but it was even better in reality. I knew Oliver would come around in his own time. And eventually, I hope these two will be the best of friends.

George and I are… well, we’re maintaining sanity somehow. We are not really in any sort of routine yet; it’s more of a, “I’ll take that one if you take this one,” or one or the other of us falling asleep on the couch at any given hour. But he is an incredible help to me–it’s a totally different experience compared to having Oliver while George was in law school. He is just… absolutely awesome. We even manage to get some time together, even if it’s just half an hour (although often it’s an hour or two), when Oliver is in bed and Andrew is napping. There are more smiles in the house overall and gradually we’ll find a new “normal” in our family life.

Still, I am TIRED. Living on 3-4 hours of sleep most days is hard—much harder than when I did it voluntarily during college! heh. I can’t nap when Andrew naps because Oliver is awake, or vice versa. And it seems now that we have entered the Fussiest Weeks (weeks 5 and 6), Andrew cleverly fusses twice a day: first, when Oliver is napping, and second, when Oliver goes to bed. PERFECT TIMING. No concealer in the world can hide the dark circles under my eyes at this point. I just keep telling myself that it won’t last forever.

Breastfeeding… *sigh* Breastfeeding did not go very well. I was so optimistic, certain that it would be easier this time, and my goal was 3 months. Unfortunately, between Andrew’s frustration (good latch on his part and good supply on mine, so not sure why–?) and my own frustration (being stuck either feeding or pumping when Oliver wanted me—oh the tears we both shed!—plus the soreness and BLEEDING, GAH!), I only lasted 2 weeks before weaning. We are completely switched over to formula now and, although I’m still overcoming feelings of disappointment and guilt, it has been a huge relief to ALL of us.

It’s been a lot harder than I imagined, even with George’s mom here, because Oliver won’t let her do anything for him (play, fix him lunch, take him to the bathroom, etc), so unless Andrew is sleeping, I’m making Oliver’s lunch with one hand and holding Andrew in the other arm, or feeding Andrew while drawing with Oliver… you get the picture. The other problem is that Andrew’s favorite place to sleep is ON ME. Did I whine about wanting a snuggly baby? Yeah. Except I guess that would have worked much better with the first kid, when I could have actually sat around and snuggled!

Meanwhile, my mother-in-law is on a mission to get Oliver to 1) go #2 on the potty and 2) try more new foods. Because, you know, I apparently need MORE stress in my life right now. She is also trying to make sure I never fit in my old clothes again by baking constantly. Andrew turned one month old yesterday, as of which time I am officially back into a strict diet and exercise routine.

As far as I can tell, there is no secret to surviving the transition from one kid to two kids. It’s hard. But I will tell you this: I have NO REGRETS. I love Oliver and Andrew, each so completely and each so differently, and I am trying my best to appreciate these days. Years from now, when I have two tall boys who only come home on holidays and are perhaps waking up at night with their own kids, I will probably look back and smile… and I might even miss this time—just a little—when I got to see the world through their little boy eyes, when I had the power to make everything all better, when all four of us spent a lot of time in our pajamas. And putting it that way… you know, it’s really not so bad.