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Saw this quote on a pregnancy board (Success After A Loss forum on thebump.com) and liked it: “Today is the Tomorrow I worried about Yesterday.”

Five weeks and two days may not seem very far along to most people, but hell, it’s OVER AN EIGHTH OF THE WAY to forty weeks. An eighth! That’s close to a fourth! And a fourth is almost half! So as you can see… look, just trust my math, ok?

I had a dream on Friday (during an afternoon nap) that I was on a pregnancy website and discovered I was part of an “It’s A Girl!” group. I also had a dream two nights before that in which I had just given birth and they laid the baby on my chest, and it was a girl. Dreams don’t count for anything, but at least they were positive, and I woke up feeling very peaceful.

But. BUT. On Friday evening and twice today I had a tiny bit of clearish-pink spotting, thus leading to an emotional meltdown last night, and again today. Because you know what? As much as I try to hold back my feelings, I DO care, I care so much this is killing me.

No one knows about this pregnancy in real life; we haven’t even told my parents. So it is only George, frustrated and helpless, who bears this with me. “I can’t do this anymore,” I sobbed over and over to him today, “it’s too hard.”

Why can’t I get through this without any scares? Why can’t I be normal and just get sick like everyone else? WHY?

I’ve debated whether or not to call my doctor’s office on Monday and tell them about the spotting. The most she could do at this point would be blood work for hCG levels. Still, it might be worth my sanity to find out if my hCG levels are ok. *sigh…* I don’t know.

The odds of having three miscarriages in a row are less than 1%. The odds are on our side.

But the more hours that pass by, the more I care, and the harder it becomes to find a balance between hope and caution.

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11 Comments so far

I’m a Need To Know Girl, so I would totally call the dr and get some levels done. That’s just me, and everyone is different… but the not knowing would just drive me INSANE.

Still thinking of you all the time *hugs*

Jens last blog post..early happy birthday to me

You wouldn’t be a good mama, if you didn’t care…. Believe it or not, that caring that leads you to breakdown, is a GOOD thing! You, babe, and George are in my prayers every day. Here’s hoping that five more weeks just fly by for you!

By the way- LOVE the even shorter hair cut/trim!

I am so sorry you are having to deal with any worries… But like you said, the odds are on your side! I would probably bug the doc for a blood test or anything that might help reassure me… But I am a Worrywart and also a Need to Know kinds girl. Hugs!!

Sendings hugs and prayers.

Lauras last blog post..mad marchness

I’ll definitely be praying over this! I’m also a worrier, so I think I’d be thinking about it every second of the day.

Do whatever will help you. If it will easer your mind, it’s worth it! You could do the test and find out you have normal levels and then be able to relax a bit more.

By the way, love your new haircut!

sending hugs and prayers your way…..

mels last blog post..shopping therapy…

I am thinking of you!!!

Stefanies last blog post..Things I am excited for

Hi Melissa,
I think the pregnancy dreams are a really good sign. It’s very sad that you are having such a hard time with this. It would be so wonderful if you could experience another problem-free pregnancy as you did with Oliver. I agree with Jen though, I’d go to the doctor to get your HCG levels tested. And keep those positive thoughts rolling – if the odds are on your side – keep that strong in your mind. You’re still in my prayers as well. I really want this to work for you!! *HUGS*

Stephs last blog post..Protected: My Discovery

I think of you all the time and pray for you daily.
I would call the doctor to get some reassurance and peace of mind.
We will continue to pray for you guys, hugs!

Priscillas last blog post..Wednesday (well, make it Thursday) Weigh-In

I think everyone has covered the love, prayers and good vibes. So I’m sending waves of peace. Wishing you all the best.

Amys last blog post..Why I will push you from me

*hugs* I am praying for you guys! I did spot with both of the girls about 6 weeks in. I haven’t had any miscarriages that I know of though. I was told it was common. That was years ago though.

Saras last blog post..News and more news.

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