Ask and you shall receive: Aunt Flo finally arrived today. Hence the sudden extra 3 lb yesterday. Mystery solved!

And just in case my dear Aunt’s arrival wasn’t proof enough, my doctor’s office informed me today that my hCG levels from last Monday’s blood work were “normal.” Meaning, normal for someone who isn’t pregnant anymore, which is to say: nonexistent. *sigh* No mystery there.

The nurse was very apologetic when she told me. I really hate that my history has marked my chart with a big invisible Pity Sticker.

Anyway, my thrombophilia panel results are still pending; the doctor’s office will call as soon as they get them. I’ll know by this time next week.

Sometimes I think I come across as very negative on my blog, when I’m not a negative person. Many people who know me in real life have told me that I’m always smiling, and that I have a brightening effect on others. I’m known for never letting anything get me down. I will admit to being a big worry wart, but I’m more of an UPBEAT worry wart, heh.

Sure, I have bad days (like yesterday!), but I really try to keep any negative thoughts in their place. And as part of that, I often find it helpful to confine my worries to this little box, hit Publish, and let them go that way.

Thanks for all your moral support, though. I’m back on my feet, my uterus is back in business, and I’ve got a lot more fight left in me.

Dear Body:

You’re fired!

Love, me

*****

I was doing so well with my weight loss. My weekly “weigh-in” yesterday showed that I lost another pound since last week, bringing my total weight lost since 1/1 to 6 lb, over halfway to my goal of losing 10 lb! Yet today I weigh THREE POUNDS MORE THAN YESTERDAY. I don’t understand.

My diet for the past few weeks has consisted of the following:

Breakfast: one cup of tea or coffee, TINY serving of fruit (a few chunks of pineapple, 2 pieces from an orange, something like that).
Lunch: either 2 scrambled eggs and a sugar-free yogurt -or- salad (lettuce, shredded cheese, oil & vinegar) and a sugar-free yogurt.
Dinner: small serving of meat (i.e. some variation of chicken, turkey, or beef; yesterday I had two meatballs with some hot peppers in sauce) and vegetable (usually carrots or broccoli).
Snack: 1-2 small squares of 75% cacao dark chocolate (only 2.5-5 g carbs, which if you know about carbs, is like 1-2% of a normal daily intake).

I’ve also been working out 5x/week. Any person with a normal metabolism would be losing weight pretty fast this way. But me? No, of course not. That would be too easy.

The other thing upsetting me today is that I have not yet seen the return of Aunt F since my miscarriage last month. I know it can take 4-6 weeks or more after a natural miscarriage (as opposed to when I had a d&c in Sept, and it was back exactly 4 weeks later), but come on, LET’S GO. I am so done with my uterus and all its issues. I want to move on with this cycle so we can get past the next cycle and start trying again.

It hurts to think that I should be 29 weeks by now, or 11 weeks, and I am nowhere. Empty. Not even Aunt F is cooperating. And I am trying VERY hard to be patient and trusting, but it is killing me to wait. I’m so sick of all this.

I started crying when I saw the octuplets on the news. I am happy for the family, but I want to know the secret. How did all eight STICK, despite the odds, when my stats are only 1 for 3 in single pregnancies?

Sorry this is so dark and whiny… it’s just a bad week. I’m going to take a few minutes to wallow in my despair, and then I’m going to work out. Life goes on.

I was putting some things in a bag to give to Goodwill today when I came across a certain item that my sister Jen gave me for Christmas. And it’s really too good not to share.

When I first took it out of the box on Christmas Eve, it was neatly folded into a square and tied with a ribbon, sort of like this:

(That’s not the original ribbon; there was a pink one attached, which was the way she bought it.)

“Isn’t it the SOFTEST BLANKET?” Jen asked excitedly. “Enjoy!”

But when I got home, took the ribbon off, and unfolded it… WHOA. It was NOT a blanket—it was a TOP AND PANTS made out of thick, fuzzy, blanket-like material.

George and I laughed hysterically when I tried it on. Because—well, see for yourself:

Um, yeah. This photo does not even do it justice.

“Just ask her to return it,” he advised. “I’m sure she’ll understand.”

“But LOOK AT IT!” I groaned. “Wouldn’t YOU be embarrassed if YOU gave this to someone, even by mistake?”

“Maybe you could attach the top to the pants,” he pondered between laughs, “cut the pant legs apart, and somehow sew it into a Snuggie.”

“Maybe I could be a Smurf for Halloween this year,” I suggested.

Or maybe it’s just going to Goodwill.

Moral of the story? Gift receipts are a good thing.

I’ve been going back and forth the past few days as to whether or not I should cut my hair. My mind literally changes by the hour. And my appointment is less than 2 weeks away.

As most of you know, my husband loves my hair short and wants me to cut it. But when it comes to making the big decision, I need some unbiased opinions—and who better to give me good advice than my internet friends?

In March 2008, I participated in one of Whoorl‘s weekly “Hair Thursdays,” and she advised me to cut my hair short. Here’s what my hair looked like at the time, both dried naturally (left) and straightened (right):

Out of 878 votes, it was very close, but the chin-length bob she suggested (right) won out over the shorter style (left):

But after a loooong year of awkwardly growing out a pixie cut, I wasn’t ready to cut it again yet; I wanted to grow my hair at least a few inches past my shoulders. Another year later, that’s where it’s at. I know this may not seem truly “long” to many of you, but this is the longest my hair has been since I was 17! Here’s where my hair is now (photo taken 12/31):

I’ve chopped off my hair plenty of times in the past 10 years, and it was no big deal to me. “It’s just hair,” I would shrug. I cut it off and grew it out in roughly 2-year cycles. I can look back at photos and guess the month/year they were taken depending on the length of my hair. I was never afraid of change; I was afraid of always looking the same.

But it was my hair itself that changed after I had Oliver in 2006. Beginning at 3 months postpartum, I went through 4-5 weeks of hair loss that led to a constantly clogged shower drain, many tears, and finally, the pixie cut. And as it later grew out, my hair remained A LOT thinner (and less curly) than it had ever been in my life (seriously, I used to have TONS of hair!). Everyone, including my stylist, kept reassuring me that postpartum hormones can affect a woman’s body and hair for up to a year after giving birth… but Oliver is now, um, 2½ years old. I think it’s clear my hair is never going back to the way it was.

The reason I’m hesitant to cut my hair this time is that I doubt I will ever grow it this long again. It’s simply not thick enough to look good past a certain length. I actually love the versatility of long hair, but versatility is one thing—the way MY hair looks is another. And long hair that is thin and straggly is just NOT pretty. It’s also super-prone to tangles, which leads to breakage, even if I brush it carefully.

Everyone tells me I look better with short hair anyway, and I like it better myself. So I guess I’m just sad that I really have no choice anymore and I will probably never have the option of long hair again. And as always, I’m not afraid of change, I’m just afraid that I will always look the same from now on. THAT seems scary to me. And it makes me feel old.

Anyway, I’m going to take Whoorl‘s advice at last and go for a bob again. I took these photos of my tv during a recent What Not To Wear episode, and I’m going to bring them to my stylist. It’s basically a bob with side bangs:

© What Not To Wear/TLC

© What Not To Wear/TLC

© What Not To Wear/TLC

I’m thinking maybe an inch shorter with slightly more distinct bangs.

What do you think? Should I try to keep my length a while longer (until summer? the rest of the year?) or just go for the chop now?

Potty Boot Camp is officially at a stand still. The first day (Monday) was actually the best, and it’s gone downhill since then; now Oliver won’t sit on the potty without his diaper/training underwear on. Four days of encouragement, reminders, “big boy” underwear, the promise of little rewards, and lots of sitting and more sitting… but zero success. Last night we knew his bladder must be pretty full, as he drank a big cup of milk AND a big cup of juice after supper but hadn’t peed for an hour and a half, and after reading books for another half an hour while he sat on the potty… he actually held it until the very second we put a diaper on. I guess he still needs that familiar feeling. And as Exceedingly Independent as he likes to be about everything else in his little world, this type of independence apparently isn’t a priority for him right now. So we’ll keep trying through the weekend and then, if there’s no progress, we’ll just take a break for a few weeks. If he’s not ready, he’s just not ready. No big deal.

The good news is that I made progress towards my own goal: I’ve lost 5 lb in the past 3 weeks! (6 lb as of today, although it’s not an “official” weigh day!) It’s been a big struggle as always—it seems like every time I have to lose weight, it gets harder—but it’s worth it to feel so much better in the end. I’ve been extra-EXTRA-strict with my already-strict diet and I’ve been working out 5 days a week. (If Mother Nature was fair, I should really be a size 2. Seriously.) However, I have NOT used the 30 Day Shred dvd at all. Sure, it totally kicked my butt when I used it last October, but I didn’t lose any weight or inches in that entire month. So I’m not sure if 20 minutes isn’t enough for me or what, but my cardio pilates dvds just work better for me. I’ve already lost almost an inch off my waist—and that’s enough proof for me to keep doing what I’m doing! Only 4-5 lb to go!

As good as I’m feeling about losing weight, though, I think all the stress of the past 6 months finally caught up with me and wore down my willpower to not cut my hair. I know, I know, totally predictable: I complain nonstop when my hair is short and after I finally grow it out, I vow I’m going to keep it long—and then promptly cut it off. I do this every two years like clockwork. But since I had Oliver, my hair is a lot thinner than it used to be—longer lengths get to looking straggly. And I might go crazy if I don’t change SOMETHING, and I already have a nose piercing (heh), so I think a hair chop is imminent. Not super-short, maybe just 5-6 inches off, leaving it between chin and shoulders (i.e. still long enough for a ponytail). I found a good magazine photo to take with me. George isn’t even trying to hide how excited he is… he loves my hair shorter. And so do I.

So: potty training failed thus far, weight loss is working, long hair is 2 weeks away from hitting the floor. One step forward, two steps back, as they say. It’s only January; there’s plenty of 2009 left to do better.