(Idea stolen from Amanda and Jen.)

Dear Melissa-at-18,

I’m not sure where I should even start. I’m you in 11+ years: my 30th birthday is 2 months from today. That may sound old to you, but in many ways I feel like a completely different person, and amazingly enough, I would never want to go back to 18. I like where I’m at and who I am—things that you can’t understand until you’ve been through what’s ahead.

Right now you are as turbulent as white water rapids, ruled by fierce emotions that surround you with breathtaking beauty just as often as they slam you into rocks and flip you upside down. You are all-or-nothing and you expect the same of others. For this reason, you often get let down. But over the next eleven years, you will learn to lighten up. People will pleasantly surprise you, if you give them a chance—and you will surprise yourself.

You just lost your first boyfriend and your first-choice college all in one fell swoop, and I know you feel devastated. It WAS devastating. But in nine years, you will have a really good laugh when you find out that boy is GAY. (No, seriously. Seriously!) You will always feel strangely proud that your father lost his coaching job due to his integrity and his stand against narrow-minded politics, and you will someday feel equally proud that his job loss inspired you to spare him the cost of your first-choice (and second-choice, and third-choice) college and accept a full scholarship at YSU. I know it’s pretty much impossible to imagine now, but these currently tragic events will change the rest of your life for the better.

You made the right decision by not going to medical school despite everyone’s nagging. Nursing, however, will prove to be the wrong kind of compromise—not because you can’t do it, but because you aren’t happy doing it. I don’t regret it, though, and I’m still not sure what else I would have done instead. And while I plan to change careers in the years ahead, I will never consider my years as a nurse a “mistake.” It’s been a profound experience that made me a better person, in a weird roundabout way. You will find that to be true of many things: that what seems like a mistake may turn out to be right, in a way you don’t expect, in the end.

Remember when you were 12 and you told Mom “I’m going to have to marry a boy from another country, because all the boys around here are BORING”? Well, you will meet that boy about a year from now, and you will overlook the black eye he got from playing baseball and his lack of money or a car, because he’s super-smart and interesting and sweet and he makes you so happy. The two of you have nearly nothing in common and yet together you have something extraordinary. You will marry this boy five years from now; you will stick with him through law school (lol… I know… trust me, I still can’t believe I ended up a lawyer’s wife!) and you will create a good life and a loving family together.

What? Oh, that’s right, you DON’T WANT kids. You just want to work and travel; you can’t picture yourself as a mother at all. You think kids are loud and sticky, and, well—yeah, they often are. But as I type this, there is a bright and beautiful boy sleeping upstairs and a teeny tiny bean of unknown gender in my belly, and in these two small hearts lives my own. Sure, I still want to travel, and I can’t do that right now; but I’m even more excited about the years to come in which I will travel WITH my family, and watch my kids’ faces as they see the ocean or the Eiffel Tower or the Grand Canyon for the first time. There will be plenty of time to work full time after they’re in school. Motherhood is the hardest job and the most amazing adventure you will ever have. Trust me on that.

Some other good news: I weigh about 35 lb less than you do (although that gap will be closing over the next 7 months, heh). I know you’re already exercising a lot with a maddening lack of results, but in about 6 years you will finally figure out the kind of diet that works for you. Would you believe me if I told you that you’ll be trading your size 14s for size 8s/10s? It’s true! And after so many years of feeling frustrated and fat, you will be strong and healthy and (mostly) comfortable in your own skin. It’s an awesome feeling, and it’s worth the wait, I promise.

You’re going to do some crazy things (ever think about getting your nose pierced?) and some things you’ve always dreamed of (going to Europe!) over the next eleven years. You’re going to make a LOT of mistakes and it’s not going to be an easy road. It still isn’t. But you will have many wonderful people in your life, quite a few of whom you haven’t met yet, and you will be happier at almost-30 than you can imagine at 18. So don’t give up; it gets a thousand times better.

Love,

Knocked-Up 29-Year Old Meliss